Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
