Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
