It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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