If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
