piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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