I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
