dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
