i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he fucked my hip out of place.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
