he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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