Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
