Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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