you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
