Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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