just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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