Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
