I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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