is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
