I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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