It's Friday. Sex?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
