I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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