I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
