I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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