That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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