Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
