its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
