the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Everclear isn't food dammit
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
