so let's talk penis.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
