community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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