Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
