When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
