there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
