i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
