I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
