dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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