i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize