Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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