Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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