tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
