I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
