I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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