You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
