weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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