do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
