i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My ATM looks so different sober.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
