so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
