I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
