i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
