I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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