The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
