Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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