thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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