Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize