After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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