dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
