I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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