so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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