Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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