Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
