I think I won the penis lottery.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
