If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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