Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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