you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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