What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
