yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Actions speak louder than pants.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
