you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
