Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Randomize
