Define "chronic" masturbator.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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