i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
