Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
