For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
