If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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