we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
