someone threw a dead crab at me
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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